I rang my bank the other day about a loan. To be clear, Mole Graphics is not struggling, I actually wanted to borrow to invest in the business.
Anyway, after a prolonged conversation in which they defined exactly how many hoops I would have to go through to be lent a relatively modest amount of money, they asked: “Is there anything else that I can help you with?” As they had not helped me with anything at all, I had to bite my tongue and, politely, put the phone down.
The whole conversation reminded me of Mark Twain’s definition of a banker, as someone who lends you an umbrella when it is sunny and wants it back as soon as it starts raining. I can understand why some of my competitors have turned to specialist private equity companies. I’m not sure I want to do that yet, so I may just keep my powder dry until next year. Luckily, I’d already made that decision before Vladimir Putin lost the plot, invaded Ukraine and made the world - including my staff and clients - probably even more anxious than we were during the pandemic. This time around, the crisis is even worse because we all feel so powerless. The fact that one of the more vocal muppets at my local boozer proclaimed that someone ought to finish Putin off doesn’t really help either.
Fortunately, most of our customers are proceeding roughly as normal. That might change if the crisis escalates - and our post-pandemic economic recovery stalls - but, for now, it seems like business as usual, which is simultaneously reassuring and troubling.
The good news - and believe it or not there is some - is that Mole Junior has got a job. I don’t fully understand what his new employer actually does. Apparently, it’s something to do with gaming. That said, he is thoroughly enjoying this new challenge, which is great but also makes me wonder what will become of Mole Graphics when I finally retire at the age of 65, 70 or 75 (depending to the whims of Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak). I was tempted to ask the bank for their finite wisdom but what would be the point?